This morning I woke up and listened to a podcast from Convergence instead of going to a local church. The sermon was on Acts 1:1-10 (the week before the John series started), and I feel so blessed after hearing it. These are some of the things Bobby said that resonated with me:
-Waiting actively instead of waiting passively
-Waiting for Holy Spirit to come and patiently waiting for God to do something in you
-God is telling me He wants me to be patient
-How long will I wait for God before I melt my gold to create a golden calf?
-The Israelites created the golden calf because they worshipped what was familiar to them when they became impatient/didn't know how to wait! How have I done the same?
WOW. I see. When I felt stuck, everything that I thought I knew about how to follow Jesus took precedence over depending on the Holy Spirit! I am convinced now more than ever that God speaks to His people! His timing IS perfect because I wouldn't have understood the sermon when it was shared seven weeks ago. God, only You knew how much I needed to hear this. Oh man, I'm at a loss for words right now...
Lord, I'm patiently waiting for Your Spirit to do something in me - to change my heart and mind to focus on You and You alone. I won't worry about what I can do to make this happen, because Your power exceeds my own and You tell me to wait for Your arrival. You tell me it will happen, so I will trust you and wait. I can see that You're already beginning to answer my prayers. Baptize me with the Holy Spirit and re-humanize me. Lord, You are prominent in my life, but I want you to be preeminent. Teach me how to let go of control and how to truly follow You. Holy Spirit, do what only You can do in me and through me.
God, You are SO GOOD and faithful right now. Actually, I take that back - You're always so good and faithful and I believe it!
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Friday, July 29, 2011
God-Centered
"If we are not captured by God's personality and character, displayed in his saving work, then all our declarations of thanksgiving are like the gratitude of a wife to a husband for the money she gets from him to use in her affair with another man. It is amazing that this same idolatry is sometimes even true when people thank God for sending Christ to die for them. Perhaps you have heard people say how thankful we should be for the death of Christ because it shows how much value God puts upon us. In other words, they are thankful for the cross as an echo of our worth. What is the foundation of this gratitude?
Jonathan Edwards calls it the gratitude of hypocrites. Why? Because "they first rejoice, and are elevated with the fact that they are made much of by God; and then on that ground, [God] seems in a sort, lovely to them... They are pleased in the highest degree, in hearing how much God and Christ make of them. So that their joy is really a joy in themselves, and not in God". It is a shocking thing to learn that one of today's most common descriptions of the cross - namely, how much of our value it celebrates - may well be a description of natural self-love with no spiritual value... He is showing us what the gospel is for. It is for the glory of God. And God is not glorified if the foundation of our gratitude for the gospel is the worth of its gifts and not the value of the Giver. If gratitude for the gospel is not rooted in the glory of God before the gift of God, it is disguised idolatry. May God grant us a heart to see in the gospel the light of the glory of God in the face of Christ. May he grant us to delight in him for who he is, so that all our gratitude for his gifts will be the echo of our joy in the excellency of the Giver!"
-John Piper, God is the Gospel
WOW! Story of my summer. It's so amazing how the Spirit speaks to you the exact words you need to hear when you need them the most! I feel like this is the first time all summer where I've actually been able to hear God speaking directly to me. I can't believe how patient God is... It's humbling to think that the Lord of the universe, who has no need for me and owes me nothing, loves me and showers me with gifts and blessings - with my family, my friends, my experiences, my skills, my opportunities, my education, my health, His love, and His presence.
Lord, I confess that there are times this summer (more often than not) where I've taken You and Your blessings for granted. I confess that there are times where I've loved these gifts more than You. I've loved my relationships and community more than the God they're supposed to be centered on. I've loved worship music more than the God it's sung to. I've loved the process of learning about You and the idea of You more than I've loved You. Lord, I've loved myself more than I've loved You.
Heavenly Father, right now it kills me that I'd even have to be reminded to love You above everything else in my life. I shouldn't have to pray for You to help me to love You - shouldn't it be as automatic as breathing or blinking? It shouldn't be so hard to do by myself... But it is.
Thank You for being patient with me and loving me. But Lord, it's not Your love that I want. I want You - everything about You. Immerse me in Your Holy Spirit so that my heart harbors a God-centered love and a God-centered love alone. Let it harbor a love that can't be misplaced in anything else but You. Let everything I speak, think, and do be glorifying to You. Jesus, I am grateful for everything You've sacrificed and done for me. I'm grateful for everything You've given to me. I'm grateful that You saved me. But most important of all, Lord, I am grateful for who You are.
Jonathan Edwards calls it the gratitude of hypocrites. Why? Because "they first rejoice, and are elevated with the fact that they are made much of by God; and then on that ground, [God] seems in a sort, lovely to them... They are pleased in the highest degree, in hearing how much God and Christ make of them. So that their joy is really a joy in themselves, and not in God". It is a shocking thing to learn that one of today's most common descriptions of the cross - namely, how much of our value it celebrates - may well be a description of natural self-love with no spiritual value... He is showing us what the gospel is for. It is for the glory of God. And God is not glorified if the foundation of our gratitude for the gospel is the worth of its gifts and not the value of the Giver. If gratitude for the gospel is not rooted in the glory of God before the gift of God, it is disguised idolatry. May God grant us a heart to see in the gospel the light of the glory of God in the face of Christ. May he grant us to delight in him for who he is, so that all our gratitude for his gifts will be the echo of our joy in the excellency of the Giver!"
-John Piper, God is the Gospel
WOW! Story of my summer. It's so amazing how the Spirit speaks to you the exact words you need to hear when you need them the most! I feel like this is the first time all summer where I've actually been able to hear God speaking directly to me. I can't believe how patient God is... It's humbling to think that the Lord of the universe, who has no need for me and owes me nothing, loves me and showers me with gifts and blessings - with my family, my friends, my experiences, my skills, my opportunities, my education, my health, His love, and His presence.
Lord, I confess that there are times this summer (more often than not) where I've taken You and Your blessings for granted. I confess that there are times where I've loved these gifts more than You. I've loved my relationships and community more than the God they're supposed to be centered on. I've loved worship music more than the God it's sung to. I've loved the process of learning about You and the idea of You more than I've loved You. Lord, I've loved myself more than I've loved You.
Heavenly Father, right now it kills me that I'd even have to be reminded to love You above everything else in my life. I shouldn't have to pray for You to help me to love You - shouldn't it be as automatic as breathing or blinking? It shouldn't be so hard to do by myself... But it is.
Thank You for being patient with me and loving me. But Lord, it's not Your love that I want. I want You - everything about You. Immerse me in Your Holy Spirit so that my heart harbors a God-centered love and a God-centered love alone. Let it harbor a love that can't be misplaced in anything else but You. Let everything I speak, think, and do be glorifying to You. Jesus, I am grateful for everything You've sacrificed and done for me. I'm grateful for everything You've given to me. I'm grateful that You saved me. But most important of all, Lord, I am grateful for who You are.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Heart of a Father
My parents are some of the most amazing people I know. They raised and influenced me to be who I am today. Like any other people, they work, cook, sleep, eat, laugh, and are boring (jk). But what amazes me about them is their near perfect capacity to love me unconditionally. This love, I feel, is the closest thing I've ever experienced to God's love for me. I guess that's why the love of Christ isn't such a foreign concept to me and why it makes perfect sense that there are boundaries and responsibilities that come with that love.
Just recently I skyped with my dad for the first time in a couple weeks. We were catching up on a lot of stuff, with him asking me routine questions like "How's the weather over there?" and "Any girlfriend yet? cause you've been 'busy' for a long time" (HAHA! My dad's a funny guy). After we finished our conversation though, one thing stands out. He says that all he asks is for me to skype with him for fifteen minutes a day because he wants to know how I'm doing.
I love my parents because of who they are, but I admit that it doesn't always show through my actions. Whenever I'm away from home (such as during college or while I'm away this summer) I always tell my parents I'll call them or talk with them over skype. This usually doesn't end up happening because I either forget or I'm too tired to talk to them... So as my dad tells me this, suddenly I remember about how I've been neglecting my parents. I'm flooded with guilt because all they want is to spend time with me while I'm being self-centered when I complain of being tired or lazy. Then I'm reminded of how God's basically been saying the exact same thing to me. And I think about how I haven't responded much to Him...
Ouch, God. You got me right where it hurts... Now I understand.
It makes sense that I've been dealing with God the same way I've been dealing with my parents. He just wants to spend time with me the same way they do. And how fitting it is that the unconditional love I receive from God the Creator so closely reminds me of the love that my mom and dad - the people who gave birth to me - have shown me my entire life. I realize that it's comforting whenever I talk to my parents, and praying/speaking/listening to God brings about the same peace in my heart and mind. God and my parents mean more to me than anything else, so I've resolved to be intentional about spending time with them by putting them ahead of my excuses.
To me God is a Savior, Redeemer, and Creator, yet today was a good and clear reminder of why He's also called a Heavenly Father. When I go home, I'm going to give my parents a big hug. As for God, I can do that right now because He's always with me wherever I go.
With a strength like no other
And the heart of a Father
How majestic your whispers
What a wonderful God
Just recently I skyped with my dad for the first time in a couple weeks. We were catching up on a lot of stuff, with him asking me routine questions like "How's the weather over there?" and "Any girlfriend yet? cause you've been 'busy' for a long time" (HAHA! My dad's a funny guy). After we finished our conversation though, one thing stands out. He says that all he asks is for me to skype with him for fifteen minutes a day because he wants to know how I'm doing.
I love my parents because of who they are, but I admit that it doesn't always show through my actions. Whenever I'm away from home (such as during college or while I'm away this summer) I always tell my parents I'll call them or talk with them over skype. This usually doesn't end up happening because I either forget or I'm too tired to talk to them... So as my dad tells me this, suddenly I remember about how I've been neglecting my parents. I'm flooded with guilt because all they want is to spend time with me while I'm being self-centered when I complain of being tired or lazy. Then I'm reminded of how God's basically been saying the exact same thing to me. And I think about how I haven't responded much to Him...
Ouch, God. You got me right where it hurts... Now I understand.
It makes sense that I've been dealing with God the same way I've been dealing with my parents. He just wants to spend time with me the same way they do. And how fitting it is that the unconditional love I receive from God the Creator so closely reminds me of the love that my mom and dad - the people who gave birth to me - have shown me my entire life. I realize that it's comforting whenever I talk to my parents, and praying/speaking/listening to God brings about the same peace in my heart and mind. God and my parents mean more to me than anything else, so I've resolved to be intentional about spending time with them by putting them ahead of my excuses.
To me God is a Savior, Redeemer, and Creator, yet today was a good and clear reminder of why He's also called a Heavenly Father. When I go home, I'm going to give my parents a big hug. As for God, I can do that right now because He's always with me wherever I go.
With a strength like no other
And the heart of a Father
How majestic your whispers
What a wonderful God
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Halfway Past, Halfway There
Today it just hit me that I'm already halfway done with my internship. That means I have five weeks left here in New Jersey and I'll be home soon to start the Fall semester...
Where did all the time go?
Thinking about it, how has the time passed so quickly?! I can't believe I'm a Junior already! I still remember my first days as a tiny Freshman with no idea what was going on around me. (I still don't have a clue, but it's just less evident to other people... haha). But to be honest, I'm kind of sad that I'm at the halfway point of my college career as well.
There are so many things I wish I could have done in my first two years here - so many mistakes I wish I could have corrected. Yet there are so many things to be proud of. There are still so many fascinating classes that I have yet to take, and I only have four semesters to squeeze them all in. I've seen myself through those first two years of classes - all those midterms, problem sets, quizzes, and finals. I became smarter, more personable, and more independent. Yet at the same time, in vying for grades and popularity I also risked drifting towards becoming numb, overcompetitive, selfish, ignorant, and shallow.
So much has changed.
And wow, I can't believe that as a Freshman two years ago, I didn't know God. Coming to college, religion was the last thing on my list of things to check out. Yet even at such a liberal university like Berkeley, against all odds, I became a Christian. So much has changed in the past two years that I'm grateful for. Now there are so many people that I can legitimately call my brothers and sisters. I feel as though I see the world through an entirely different lens than when I first stepped foot into it. I have a reason for hope, and I'm led to love others with understanding because I have been loved first. My heart is still being changed by God. Against all other influences, the Spirit has been transforming me to become kinder, happier, joyful, more sympathetic, trusting, forgiving, and patient.
Indeed, so much has changed.
Sitting here in intense thought about the past, I can't deny the feelings of melancholy and frustration. There have been so many lows that I can recall, but there have also been even more highs to remember. So much has happened in the past two years and it's bittersweet to reminisce. I may be upset at certain decisions I've made or past attitudes I've held, but starting my walk with Christ is something that I'll never regret. So much good has happened in my life in the span of the last two years, and I'm happy just to sit here, reflect, and take it all in.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Yearning for a Steadfast Spirit
Heavenly Father,
You loved me first when I did nothing to deserve it.
You love me in times when I still do nothing to deserve it.
You provide me with the gift of Grace.
You shower me with blessings, presents, and community even though I tend to abuse their purposes.
Thank You for random acts of kindness - I feel they aren't just random, but they're due to people's hearts aligning with Yours.
Thank You for growing me to love others as You have loved them Yourself.
Thank You for trusting me and having faith in me.
You remind me of Your character through even the simplest of events and the smallest of gestures.
I pray that You'll use me to share with complete strangers the same kind of love and kindness I received from one today. Even if it's by the most simple, common, and insignificant of acts.
Align my heart and spirit with Yours.
You loved me first when I did nothing to deserve it.
You love me in times when I still do nothing to deserve it.
You provide me with the gift of Grace.
You shower me with blessings, presents, and community even though I tend to abuse their purposes.
Thank You for random acts of kindness - I feel they aren't just random, but they're due to people's hearts aligning with Yours.
Thank You for growing me to love others as You have loved them Yourself.
Thank You for trusting me and having faith in me.
You remind me of Your character through even the simplest of events and the smallest of gestures.
I pray that You'll use me to share with complete strangers the same kind of love and kindness I received from one today. Even if it's by the most simple, common, and insignificant of acts.
Align my heart and spirit with Yours.
Monday, July 4, 2011
Freedom to Be, Freedom to Believe
Happy Fourth of July!
Today we celebrate 235 years of American Independence. It's a day of patriotism, of American pride, of dazzling fireworks displays and explosions, of deliciously smelling barbeques all over, and everything being red, white, and blue. Today is so important to us Americans because we are celebrating the anniversary of our freedom.
Hm, freedom...
But as I watch people celebrate Independence Day, I can't help but think about a different kind of freedom...
"...where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom."
-2 Corinthians 3:17
Today I'm reminded of the freedom given to me by God and bought through Christ's blood. This type of freedom is the hardest to understand. But it is true freedom.
"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery"
-Galatians 5:1
So Jesus, I pray that I won't take this freedom for granted. Rather, I pray that I can use my new-found freedom in a way that You see fit. Place in me a heart for people and countries who don't have that same kind of freedom yet, for the weak, the downtrodden, the dispossessed, and the marginalized. I pray that You're watching over the many countries that are stricken with poverty, war, and genocide today, that You'll keep the spirit of their people strong. I know You're working in a way that we can't understand. Give us trust in You. Conquer entire nations the the way that You have always done: through Love. Give rest to those who are still fighting for their freedom today.
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
-Matthew 11:28-30
If you had a choice between a yoke of slavery or a yoke of Christ, which would you pick? As I watch the fireworks tonight, I celebrate not only American Independence, but also freedom in Christ and freedom from slavery. And regardless of the situation, I pray I will always choose freedom in Him. Let that be enough.
Today we celebrate 235 years of American Independence. It's a day of patriotism, of American pride, of dazzling fireworks displays and explosions, of deliciously smelling barbeques all over, and everything being red, white, and blue. Today is so important to us Americans because we are celebrating the anniversary of our freedom.
Hm, freedom...
But as I watch people celebrate Independence Day, I can't help but think about a different kind of freedom...
"...where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom."
-2 Corinthians 3:17
Today I'm reminded of the freedom given to me by God and bought through Christ's blood. This type of freedom is the hardest to understand. But it is true freedom.
"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery"
-Galatians 5:1
So Jesus, I pray that I won't take this freedom for granted. Rather, I pray that I can use my new-found freedom in a way that You see fit. Place in me a heart for people and countries who don't have that same kind of freedom yet, for the weak, the downtrodden, the dispossessed, and the marginalized. I pray that You're watching over the many countries that are stricken with poverty, war, and genocide today, that You'll keep the spirit of their people strong. I know You're working in a way that we can't understand. Give us trust in You. Conquer entire nations the the way that You have always done: through Love. Give rest to those who are still fighting for their freedom today.
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
-Matthew 11:28-30
If you had a choice between a yoke of slavery or a yoke of Christ, which would you pick? As I watch the fireworks tonight, I celebrate not only American Independence, but also freedom in Christ and freedom from slavery. And regardless of the situation, I pray I will always choose freedom in Him. Let that be enough.
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